I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
