Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
