Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
