Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
