apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
