You surviving the open bar?
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
