i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
