every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
