why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
