did you get engaged???
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
