The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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