Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
