Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
