I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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