what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
