then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
