In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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