my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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