Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
