Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
