We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize