I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
