these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
