Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
