I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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