dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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