Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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