I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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