we're blogging at a bar
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
