I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
