i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize