Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
