I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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