I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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