forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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