why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
