Already got asked if we're dating
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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