$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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