I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
