I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
