Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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