My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
