Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
