I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
