oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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