Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
