Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
