If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
