You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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