I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
