I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
