I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize