I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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