Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
