Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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