I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
