Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
