I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
