anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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