i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
