My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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