guys are only as good as the porn they watch
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize