new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
