it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
