Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
