dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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