Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
