I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
