Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
