i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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