see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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