Don't you send me to vm
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
