it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
